untitled

Last week, I learned that the arrival hall at the airport is the happiest place on earth. People holding flowers or welcome home signs. The smiling faces. The kisses and hugs exchanged before they load up the car with travel goods and head home. I must say, it felt good to be amongst them, that energy.

This Sunday I learned that the departure hall is quite possibly the saddest place on earth. The soldiers in uniform, not knowing what lies ahead or if they'll ever come home. Couples/family about to be separated. The raw emotions. Lingering hugs. I did not enjoy being one of them.

Flip side, there were people who looked happy. Possibly excited to be traveling somewhere new. Possibly giddy with anticipation of reuniting with their loved ones. (Yes, I said giddy. Don't think I've ever said that out loud. Giddy. Such a silly word.)

Anyway, I'm "home". The situation here took a downward turn since then. I'm still holding my head up high. Can't wait to go home fer reals.

*couldn't think of a title. so it's untitled. not that you care.*

** home fer reals is not home with mama and papa**

say a little prayer

I woke up today with pent up stress and anxiety from these past weeks turmoil. I was waiting on one person to do his job, but he was intentionally putting me aside and causing delays. I realized that no one else could help me and I couldn't even help myself. All I could do was wait for him. I felt helpless and panicked. I did the only thing I knew to do in situations like these.

I prayed. For the first time in years, I earnestly prayed. To the only God that I know of. To the God that I perhaps lost faith in or forgot about as I lived my merry life throughout these years. My love life is fantastic. My family is great. My social circle is awesome. The only thing that is killing me is the school situation. It's the boss who's sabotaging me. That keeps me up at night.

But today after I prayed, I felt a sense of peace. Everything seemed better. The world wasn't so grey anymore. There was hope again. Even though I'm not completely relieved of my stress and agony, I do feel a weird sense of calm.

Because I prayed today.

I have hope.

beat

I'm so beat today. I have been for the past weeks. Trying to finish up with school stuff. One more month till I'm done! Sorry for the lack of blog posts. Promise I'll be back.

mmmm...

I remember...

You called me one day while I was in the bath. We chatted a little and you asked if I was in the bath because you heard water dripping.

I said yes.

All you said was "Hmm..."

Very suggestive. Of you. And of me.

first sight

The moment our eyes met, I was certain it was mutual.

You know the feeling you get when you're right about to hold someone's hand for the very first time after hours of thinking about it. The heightened awareness and tingling vibes you experience just before you step closer for an embrace you've been yearning for all day. The physical sensation you feel right before you kiss someone you've waited months and months to do. It's that millisecond feeling of "right before", exquisitely prolonged and downright intense.

I felt it. He felt it. A connection so acute that people close by could feel the heat simmering off our gazes. Neither of us wanted to speak to break the silence. The not-so-furtive glances we've exchanged throughout the night spoke for itself. We clicked without saying a word.

I still have that perpetuating "right before" feeling.
I'll never know how that ends.
Or how "right now" will ever begin.

ain't no reason

...

People walk a tight rope on a razors edge
Carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons.
It could be a bomb or a bullet or a pen
Or a thought or a word or a sentence.
...
The air on my skin and the world under my toes,
Slavery stitched into the fabric of my clothes,
Chaos and commotion wherever I go
...
There ain’t no reason things are this way.
It's how they always been and they intend to stay.
I can't explain why we live this way, we do it everyday.

I've started sponsoring a child. Ain't no reason. I sent her a care package. I hope she is as excited opening it as I was sending it.

Please enjoy my favorite song of the moment, Ain't no reason by Brett Dennen. Let me know if you like it. Good night readers. :)

restless tonight

Losing control over my emotions. Hit the brakes long ago but the skidding hasn't stopped.

I just hate how I feel.

blue plus red

image from weheartit

Lavender. Amethysts.
Rain.
Regality. Love.

I have a thing for purple.
You remind me of purple. All things purple.

i can't quit you

In the midst of the crowd of people we both knew, Temptation boldly blew me a kiss and swiftly turned away before I had a chance to react.

I thought I did. Apparently I didn't. I can't quit him.

I caught his kiss. And I gasped.

this woman's work

If this isn't enough motivation for me and my work, I don't know what is.

...

Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.
...
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
...

Just make it go away now.

...